The Two Words I’m Counting On to Get Me Through the Holidays
Thoughts on being ‘good enough.’
Welcome to So Many Thoughts, a semi-weekly newsletter about royal style and the other parts of life I want to think through with you. You can subscribe here and follow me on Instagram at @EHolmes. Thank you!
I started taking down our Halloween decorations last night, which was the perfect chance to catch up on the new episode of Archetypes. This week on the podcast Meghan had several different guests, including activist and wife of the Canadian prime minister Sophie Grégoire Trudeau, examining the archetype of Good Wife / Bad Wife and Good Mother / Bad Mother. I had just finished writing this newsletter and one bit in particular jumped out, the insights from Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a clinical psychologist and bestselling author.
“Don’t destroy your essence for this illusion of perfectionism or this image of the Good Wife or the Good Mother,” Tsabary said. “Because those are just images. They’re illusions. The best mother and the best woman you can be is the authentic one, the one who is deeply connected to her own knowing. And that doesn’t take effort. That takes stillness.”
As holiday decor creeps into my Instagram scroll and gift guides pop up in my inbox, I needed this reminder. Two more words I am counting on to carry me through the end of the year below.
Plus, scroll down for five links, including Ann Shen’s amazing new book.
Take care, friends. 💗
Two Words I Am Keeping in Mind this Holiday Season
Is Halloween a long holiday or the longest holiday? The answer is: YES. Something about it falling on a Monday this year made it seem especially hard. I am still very much nursing my Halloween hangover, which has nothing to do with alcohol and everything to do with a celebration that stretched from a day to a week and beyond. It’s time we declare Halloween a season, rather than a day, don’t you think?
As the conversation swiftly turns to the winter holidays — cue Mariah Carey! You can’t miss this reel she posted — I wanted to pass along a thought from my therapist. She listened intently as I lamented last week about all the Halloween things I hadn’t done yet. The clock was ticking! We had been to a pumpkin patch but hadn’t bought any pumpkins (I learned the hard way if you buy pumpkins too early here in Southern California they will rot). The straps on Bird’s costume were too long and I wasn’t sure I would have time to shorten them. I hadn’t even begun to think about a costume of my own. I felt like I was dropping balls left and right.
We talked through and unpacked my concerns, helping me understand why I place so much emphasis on big, elaborate holiday celebrations (it comes from my late mother, who was great at celebrating). At the end of our very helpful conversation, my therapist closed with: “Wishing you a good enough Halloween.”
My ‘good enough’ pumpkin carving.
Those two words stuck with me throughout the week: Good enough. It lowered the pressure in a way I desperately needed and motivated me to actually do the things I wanted to do. When I get overwhelmed, I tend to stretch myself beyond my limit (forgoing sleep to sew costume straps) or opt out of something entirely (“We just won’t carve pumpkins this year!”)
But with “good enough” as my mantra, I made my way through the weekend packed with Halloween activities. We bought pumpkins at the grocery store and carved them in stages — scooped them out Saturday after a birthday party but before dinner, and finished the faces after baseball on Sunday. Good enough. I tied a ribbon on the back of Bird’s Elsa costume to keep her straps from falling down. Good enough. And instead of fretting about a full-fledged costume to wear to the pre-school parade, I grabbed a pair of antlers from my kids’ dress-up box and called myself Sven. Good enough!
I’m carrying this mantra into the last two months of the year, when I know right now life will get even busier. It’s very much in the spirit of something my mom used to say to me: Done is better than perfect. Another version I’ve heard is: Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good. It’s all the same idea, isn’t it? About letting go of the need for something to be just right and enjoying what is actually possible.
How about you? What tips do you have for not just making it through the holidays but perhaps even enjoying them? Tap “Join the discussion” at the bottom of this email and share in the comments of this newsletter.
PS: Tips for early holiday shopping (from a procrastinator!)
Five Things To Check Out This Week
READ / An incredible package of stories about 50 abortions, one from someone who lives in each of the 50 U.S. states. The pieces are told in both written and audio form; hearing these women tell their personal experiences is so powerful. (Popsugar)
SHOP / Illustrator and graphic author Ann Shen makes the most beautiful books! Her latest, out this week, is called Revolutionary Women: 50 Women of Color Who Reinvented the Rules. It would make a fabulous holiday gift. (Call you local book store! Or click for Bookshop, Amazon, Ann Shen’s website)
READ / Oof. As a mama to a second-year-in-a-row Elsa, this poignant reflection on kids’ Halloween choices — and what baggage we, as parents, bring to the discussion — really hit home. (Romper)
LISTEN / Matt went to see this duo in concert last week and now their songs are on repeat in our house. (Plains)
SHOP / Just snagged a pair of my favorite jeans in a darker wash for fall. Size down! (Madewell)
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I was just trying to calm my mom about this - her youngest (me) is 41. Her youngest grandchild is 12. We love holidays at her house because we remember each other, not the perfect decorations or the sold-out gifts she was able to procure. Sounds like you're on the right track - so what if there's no tinsel on the tree this year or if the cards don't get out to the neighbors until NYE? What people remember is the sentiment behind it. I just remembered to send a digital "thank you" out to my town's service department today because I saw their plow trucks twice on this day when it's literally below zero outside!