Our Primary Bathroom Reveal!
We demolished the space a year ago, can you guess what it looks like now? Plus, some thoughts on making decisions.
Welcome to So Many Thoughts, a semi-weekly newsletter about royal style and the other parts of life I want to think through with you. You can subscribe here and follow me on Instagram at @EHolmes. Thank you!
Hello, friends. Today is one of those newsletters where I awkwardly admit a shortcoming (cringe) and hope that by doing so I learn something, like accepting Lego chaos and admitting bad texting habits. 🙃 Scroll down for some decision-making tips and five recommendations.
Eleven months ago, when we closed on our new house in Los Angeles, I asked our contractor to demolish our primary bath. Our inspection revealed mold underneath one of the sinks; we had to take the entire vanity out to properly remediate the mold. Rather than pay our contractor to put our bathroom back together, I figured this was the moment to renovate the space. I love our new home but I did not love that bathroom; everything from the triangle jacuzzi tub to the broken shower shelf felt dated and dirty. Demolishing it before we moved in seemed like the smart thing to do. Get all that old stuff out and start fresh!
And you know what I did next?
Nothing.
What do you do when you are overwhelmed by choices at the fixture store? Hide in a bath tub, obviously.
Well, not nothing. There were several weeks where I tried to make a bathroom. I did really try, but I quickly morphed from super excited about the possibilities (I even asked all of you on Insta) to completely overwhelmed by the choices and costs. You don’t just need to pick a tile color but also the shape, size, and pattern. Who knew a faucet came in two dozen finishes? There is polished brass and burnished brass and satin brass and antique brass. Would you like to hang your towel on a rack or a hook or a peg? Add to that what all of this costs! The world of bathroom fixtures is wildly expensive. Fear of making a costly mistake gripped me.
So I shut the damn door and walked away.
I’ve got a lot of sympathy for me at that moment. I was in the throes of resettling three kids in a new city, unpacking a house full of boxes, and launching this newsletter. I could. not. deal! Closing the door felt like the IRL version of putting challenging thoughts in an imaginary box and putting that box on an imaginary shelf.
This is how our bathroom looked last September—and also how it looks now. Womp.
I needed a break. And I could take one, because we have two other bathrooms in our house. Also, the primary bathroom is at the back of our bedroom so the closed door became almost a wall. I prioritized other, less expensive projects, like having built-in cabinets made for our family room. (And that’s a decision I stand by; it opened the space up visually and provided a ton of toy storage.)
But as we come up on a year of living in this home, the gutted bathroom has started to eat away at me. Never mind that Matt and I sharing a bathroom with our three kids can get a little crowded. Or that an exposed pipe in the demolished bathroom started to leak. What really bothers me is that the space gives our home a feeling of being, quite literally, unfinished.
“Hey, how’s that bathroom coming along?” our painter, who witnessed the demo, asked when he returned this summer to give the outside of our house a refresh. You should have seen his face when I said I hadn’t done anything. 😳
Good news: I am doing something about it now. I am very grateful to the absolutely wonderful Jill Sipkins, who has helped me craft a vision for our house. We’ve been decorating the first floor and Jill has chosen pieces I never would have found on my own. Now we have turned our sights to the bathroom. (A slight tangent but this feels important: I thought interior designers were only for the fanciest among us but that is not true! There are talented professionals out there who work at all price points. Highly recommend finding one if this sort of thing does not come naturally to you, which it does not to me.)
But mostly: This process has made me acutely aware of how I make decisions. Badly! That’s how I make them. Every now and then, I have a strong enough reaction that I can go with my gut. But usually—and especially with anything big, permanent, or costly—doubt creeps in. I fight that uncertainty by looking at all possible options, making sure I have seen every iteration available, which draws out the decision for weeks or longer. In attempting to solve a problem, I make it much bigger. Oof.
As I tackle the bathroom, where there are ~so very many~ decisions to be made, I am relying on these guiding principles I have learned over the last few months (these apply beyond interior design to other parts of life, too):
Start by stepping back. Before I lose myself in the details or the specifics, it helps me to ask a few broad questions about the bigger project. Rather than focus on one piece of furniture or even one room, I consider the whole house. I’m a writer, so I prefer to put what I want into words, clumsily articulating to myself not just the look but the feel of a space. (If you are a more visual person, try a mood board.) Also, if there is a decision you are certain about—for me, it was this peacock wallpaper up our stairs—try to pinpoint what made you certain, which can help you look for more things like it.
Limit your choices. Google and Pinterest are great but have maximum rabbit-hole potential. I need to give myself some boundaries. (This is not just me! More options tend to complicate the decision-making process and result in feeling less satisfied with what you choose; it’s a phenomenon called the Paradox of Choice. You can read more about it in this New York Times piece or in a book of the same name by Barry Schwartz.) For the bathroom, I resisted the urge to cast a wide net in search of blue tile—as tempting as that is—and instead am following Jill’s recommendation of a shape, finish, and maker. The style she selected comes in two blues: a light and a dark. Agonizing between those two is plenty of agonizing for me, thankyouverymuch.
Give yourself time…. Maybe not a year! But a little bit of time helps things snap into focus for me. I went with Jill to look at faucets and together we narrowed it to two choices. There was one I liked more, but not enough to pick it on the spot. A few days later, I went to a different store to see the same brand of faucets and the one I preferred first was the clear winner. (The time component applies to room arranging, too. I have been shuffling the pieces in our front room for weeks now, living with them in a new configuration for a few days—and I promise you, clarity comes with a little space.)
…And a deadline. Fifteen years as a newspaper writer has instilled in me an unhealthy attachment to deadlines. I need an end date! And it needs to be real. If this is how you operate, find someone to help force a deadline upon you and make the decision-making process finite. Jill’s contractor has an opening in his schedule and that is pushing us both to move forward quickly with this project.
How do you make decisions? Do you have any tips for those of us that are decision-challenged? Please hit “Join the discussion” at the bottom of this email and share in the comments of this newsletter.
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Five Things To Check Out This Week
READ / Serena Williams, in her own words, on life after sports. “I have never liked the word retirement. It doesn’t feel like a modern word to me,” she writes. “Maybe the best word to describe what I’m up to is evolution. I’m here to tell you that I’m evolving away from tennis, toward other things that are important to me.” Can we talk about how amazing it is that she chose the September cover of a fashion magazine to announce this? (Vogue)
READ / Remembering Olivia Newton-John in royal terms, by Wesley Morris. (New York Times)
LISTEN / What if we viewed anxiety—which I struggle with mightily—as something useful? Researcher Dr. Tracy Dennis-Tiwary, author of the book Future Tense, makes a compelling case. (Armchair Expert)
WATCH / Late to this (it came out last spring) but WeCrashed, the drama miniseries about the co-founders of WeWork starring Jared Leto and Anne Hathaway, was a very good watch. I spent half the time Googling, “Did this really happen?” A lot of it did. (Apple TV+)
SHOP / I am playing around with layering necklaces and appreciated how this two-piece set takes the guess-work out of it. Plus, each necklace works on its own. (Madewell)
PS: If you are looking for more links or product recs, head on over to my LTK page, which is now up and running. 🥳
Note: I use affiliate links, which means that if you make a purchase I may get a small commission at no cost to you. Thank you for supporting my work!
The So Many Thoughts Newsletter comes out twice a week. You can subscribe and catch up on the archives here, including:
➡️ The Importance of Black Female Mentorship by Epiphany Espinosa
➡️ An Up-Close Look at Diana’s Wedding Tiara
➡️ Shopping Lessons I Learned from My Toddler
💭 Have Thoughts to share? I’d love to hear them! Hit “Join the Discussion” and leave a comment on my Bulletin page. You can also send me an email at Hello@SoManyThoughts.com.