My Kindergartener Understood the Assignment
And did his own thing! Thoughts on creative license, plus five links for you.
Welcome to So Many Thoughts, a semi-weekly newsletter about royal style and the other parts of life I want to think through with you. You can subscribe here and follow me on Instagram at @EHolmes. Thank you!
Hi there, how are you? We have a lot going on right now, including (finally!) renovating our bathroom. Plus, fall sports for my kids are in full swing. Our days feel scheduled down to the minute. In the midst of everything, I had the most delightful parent-teacher conference last week with a great lesson thanks to my son, Oliver. He understood the assignment...and then did his own thing.
Scroll down for five links, including new skincare products I am loving — thank you for the recs. Take care, friends. 💗
Be the Colorful Bat
Last week, I had a check-in with my son’s kindergarten teacher. Our big Los Angeles elementary school is such a shift from our small preschool, where I could saddle up to the teachers at drop-off and poke around his classroom. Now, in the land of big kids, I feel like I know a lot less about how five-year-old Oliver spends his days. His teacher shares pictures and I can occasionally coax a story or two from him. But the mom in me wanted a bit more, so I requested a quick conference to see how he was doing.
His teacher and I had a wonderful, encouraging chat on Zoom. As our talk was wrapping up, she said she wanted to show me that day’s class project. Each student had been instructed to color a bat (’tis the season!), then cut out the shapes, glue them together, and write a sentence. She held up several other students’ work as examples, breezing through a series of carefully constructed black bats with their wings out to the side.
And then she held up Oliver’s. His bat had a bit of black, but it was mostly green, yellow, and orange. (All three hues are his favorite colors—plural! He has never been able to pick just one). The wings were angled just down enough to make it look like his colorful creature was dancing. Underneath, in the shape of a rainbow, was his name scrawled in silver, and then a sentence at the bottom.
“I’m not sure what happened,” his teacher said with a laugh.
I know what happened! Oliver happened.
To back up: I also know what the teacher was trying to do here. Our oldest son, Fitzgerald, was in virtual kindergarten during the height of the pandemic. I heard his (incredible) teacher on the iPad all day every day — and quickly learned how academic kindergarten has become. It was fascinating to hear what was taught and how, especially during the coloring assignments. Details, for one, were big. The teacher would remind the kids that a face can have more than eyes and a mouth, coaxing them to add a nose, ears, and hair. Picking so-called “realistic” colors was important, too. Color the sky blue, the grass green, so on and so forth. It was a way to steer those early, illegible scribbles into something recognizable.
Truth be told, the idea of “realistic” colors spoke to something deep inside of me. I’ll never forget the time I was frosting Christmas cookies with my older sister. Please note that I was a fully grown adult when this happened, in my late 20s, I think? I prepped three colors of icing, one for each shape of cookie: Green for the trees, red for the hearts, and yellow for the stars. My sister asked if she could make blue frosting, too. “What would be blue??” I asked, alarmed.
Much of my adulthood has been spent reckoning with my own rigidity, examining (often with the help of a therapist) the “shoulds” in life — and learning to let go. At first I was reluctant; as I have said here before, I am the kind of person who feels things deeply and holds things tightly. Motherhood has loosened my grip, in a very welcome way. Not so much the early infant stages when you first become a parent — sticking to feeding and nap schedules was the only way I could survive! — but into toddlerhood and beyond, when kids can start to express themselves. I find my children’s way of thinking absolutely delightful, inspiring even (see my past newsletters about Fitz and his Legos or Bird and her twirl dresses).
The night before the bat school project, Oliver and I were coloring at the kitchen counter. He is a mix of sweet and strong, with a love of bright colors and a real enthusiasm for anything he makes. Still, as our middle child — I say this as a middle child myself — he feels the most prone to rigidity; I am keen to encourage his creativity as a kind of counterpoint.
We had each chosen a page from a Spiderman coloring book and I instinctively reached for the red and blue crayons. Because, of course, the superhero’s suit is red and blue. (Side note: Can “realistic” colors even apply to a fictional character? I digress...) Halfway through Spidey’s torso, I caught myself — or rather, I caught my son’s watchful eye. So I added in a bit of yellow and green, then chose pastels for the surrounding webs. Oliver smiled at each color I used and proudly showed me his own Spiderman, reimagined in rainbow hues.
The next day, when his teacher held up his orange, green, and yellow bat, my heart grew a few sizes. I was proud of him...and of me, if I am being honest. Not one single part of me wondered what he had done because I knew what he had done! And I loved what he had done.
That night, I asked Oliver about the project. He confirmed, as I had suspected, that he knew the teacher had asked him to color the bat black but he wanted to use his favorite shades instead. We talked about “realistic” colors and when might be a good time to use them. I also made sure to tell him that at home he can use whatever colors he wants.
His colorful bat is dancing on the walls of his classroom through Halloween. As soon as it makes it home I am going to frame it.
But mostly: I have found myself wondering how I can be my own colorful bat, to recognize the prescribed way to do something and consciously choose another. My mind goes immediately to fashion, in a very Diana way. Tomorrow night, Matt and I are going to a kindergarten parent mixer; if the second grade party was any indication, most people will be in jeans and flats. But I am planning to wear this polka dot Draper James wrap dress (Hot tip: It’s a great dupe for Kate’s Wimbledon look) with this plaid cardigan. It might be a little much, but I love it.
Five Things To Check Out This Week
READ / THIS LIZZO COVER by Campbell Addy is incredible. And we love to see an in-depth celebrity profile — this one goes straight into the musician’s activism: “Thoughts and prayers just don’t fucking cut it anymore.” (Vanity Fair)
READ / Kanye West’s hate-filled antisemitic rants are frightening; you can catch up on what’s happened via The Cut. In the discussion, it’s important to separate mental health issues from racism and bigotry, Carla Manly, a clinical psychologist, tells USA Today: “There are many people who don’t have mental health issues who are racist and bigoted. And there are people with mental health issues who are not racist or bigoted. We want to see those as two very different issues.”
LISTEN / Raise your hand if you are glad Archetypes is back! Last week’s episode with Margaret Cho and Lisa Ling on the demystification of the “Dragon Lady” label was so insightful. I am very much looking forward to listening to this week’s episode examining the word “crazy.” (Spotify)
READ / The best response I can conjure up to fashion designers taking a big step backwards in terms of size inclusivity on the recent runways is to celebrate the brands that did. Bustle has a fantastic slideshow of the highlights. (Bustle)
SHOP / As fall ushers in even drier SoCal air, I stocked up on some new skincare. Thank you for all of your recs on Instagram. Very excited about these serums from Sunday Riley (a fave!) and Tula, and these daytime creams from Clinique (another fave!) and Neutrogena.
Note: I use affiliate links, which means that if you make a purchase I may get a small commission at no cost to you. Thank you for supporting my work!
Thank you so much for reading! You can subscribe to the So Many Thoughts newsletter and catch up on the archives here, including:
➡️ What Legos Taught Me About Life
➡️ Seven Children’s Picture Books that Tackle Big Feelings
➡️ Rethinking How We Parent with Dr. Becky Kennedy
💭 Have Thoughts to share? I’d love to hear them! Hit “Join the Discussion” and leave a comment on my Bulletin page. You can also send me an email at Hello@SoManyThoughts.com and find me on Instagram at @EHolmes.